We drove to Seattle to fly to LA on a Thursday - stopping at the outlet mall in Tulalip to buy new tennis shoes for Henry along the way. He blows through tennis shoes at lightening speed so I have heartburn buying the ones that aren't on sale. I thought we'd hit a gold mine on this Thursday morning - Lydia and I popped in on the father/son bonding at the sporting goods store and everything appeared to be perfect. The on-sale $40 Under Armour shoes looked great, apparently felt great AND were water resistant - a bonus when you live in Vancouver. So we girls headed next door to get sandals since Lydia had none that fit; we were shocked when the boys joined us wearing scowls. Long story short (and after a refusal to eat lunch by one 9 year old) - the shoes were blue and he didn't have enough blue clothes to go with them and was MAD that these were the ones he was 'forced' to buy and wear out of the store (rendering the return policy void). Ahhhh - vacation - it sounds so carefree! Once the crisis was averted, or at least mitigated, we got back on the road. We drove to Centry Link Field and Safeco Field for up-close looks and then headed to the airport. Philip was so excited because he was finally able to share with us his favorite fish and chips restaurant in the world. I know, I know - favorite fish and chips in an airport? We snagged a table and settled in as we discovered upon our arrival at the airport that our flight had been delayed, so instead of being 2.5 hours early, we were 5 hours early. Our server was kind and didn't rush us and the fish and chips were, oh-my-word delicious. The batter wasn't too thick, they were crunchy without being greasy and paired nicely with a cold beer. Things were looking up.
Century Link Field - home of Super Bowl champions Seattle Seahawks!
We boarded the plane after the kids had done great waiting the extra time and we were off. Next stop - LAX. The pilot made up as much time as he could and we landed around 10:15PM. Our luggage was some of the first off the plane and we got a taxi in no time - headed to Long Beach. Our cabbie, it turned out, was from Georgia so we had lots to talk about. The kids were kind of nodding off as we drove the 25 minutes or so to our hotel and then we ended up at the Long Beach port - not the cruise ship terminal area, the container ship port. The poor cabbie got supremely flustered, called dispatch for more precise directions and turned off the meter - we were that lost. Philip Google-mapped the hotel's location (thank God for smart phones) and our phone navigation system led us straight to the hotel - much more effectively than the cab's navigation system. Hotel Maya was a lovely property - our room looked out over the water and the Queen Mary and by midnight we were all asleep. Vacation had now begun for real. The morning brought a beautiful sunrise without a cloud in the sky - a morning we'd not seen in awhile here in Vancouver. We fixed our K-cup coffee and sat on the balcony listening to birds chatter and watching water lap against the boats in the harbor. We checked in with family to let them know we were safe and sound and set out to explore. The Queen Mary is lovely - she's a hotel now - and supposedly haunted. We walked to the stop for the free shuttle and wandered to downtown Long Beach. It's a lovely area and we walked all over the town. We've gotten so accustomed to walking that we felt atrophied from a day sitting in the airport. We even made a pilgrimage to Wal-Mart - not because I like Wal-Mart but because sunscreen, makeup brushes, hairspray and the like are infinitely cheaper in the States than in Canada. Shortly thereafter we were on our way - with a couple of not-so-happy-campers because we hadn't purchased any plastic toy-type items while we were in the superstore. Lydia got to pick lunch since she snapped out of her funk the quickest and we headed to Alondra's Wings (I think that was the name) and it was DE-LISH! Then we headed back to the hotel for a swim and dinner and an early bedtime.
Sunset view from our room
The Queen Mary
Embarkation on the cruise ship was as simple as possible with 2000 people trying to move through a couple of lines. We got to our rooms (the kids got their own this time - which I highly recommend), changed into swimsuits and headed to the Lido Deck for lunch and swimming. Success! We were on the boat, children were sunscreen'd and swimsuited and we were having lunch before we hit a blood sugar 'issue'. We were excited, relaxed, laughing and having fun. The kids were excited about camp and Philip and I were excited about having some date time. And - we were on a ship - no one could get off, cell phones were rendered useless and emails were left to their own devices. Life was good.
Towel animals were a hit!
We enjoyed 36 hours on the boat before docking in Cabo San Lucas for the first of two days there. It was overwhelming to debark and be immediately greeted by countless offers for the 'best price' on tours, boat excursions and such. My Southern self grew tired of saying, "No, thank you," but my manners were about ready to fly out the window by the time we reached the shopping district. We took our voucher into Royal International Jewelers or something so the kids could get their free 'starburst charms' - Lydia was thrilled and Henry not so much. But we were cooking with gas. We stopped in the little shops, bargaining a bit with the shop-owners - Lydia wanted a strapless dress (naturally) and Henry wanted a Barcelona soccer jersey. So began the spiral - this was the beginning of our on-shore activities and we mean parents said we weren't buying souvenirs until we headed back toward the boat. This did not go over well...as disappointment comingling with hunger pangs never ends well in our house. Thus began the pouting by our eldest...and in his defense I must admit that he's doing this pre-puberty thing so there are hormones involved and we, his parents, are growing stupider by the minute. Nevertheless, we simply replied, "I'm sorry you're frustrated, but that's how it is. We're here to have fun and go have lunch. We hope you have fun too." And off we went. It only made tourist sense to have lunch in Cabo at Cabo Wabo and that's just what we did. Yummy mahi tacos, quesadillas, burritos and beef tacos at our table...and then we headed in search of a boat tour of the Cabo peninsula. We had been advised by experienced friends to choose from the plethora of tour operators on the pier and landed in the vessel "Poolito" - a glass bottom boat - for the price of $20 for our entire family's tour. We donned our lifevests and taxied out to the open water - passing sea lions, pelicans and plenty of seagulls. The water was choppy and the boat was akin to a souped up john boat - the glass bottom conveniently had a little wall surrounding it which Henry held onto for dear life. But we saw some beautiful fish, were treated to sights of renowned rock formations, a colony of sea lions the Cabo Arch, Lovers' Beach and Divorce Beach. Folks were jumping off of tall rocks into the crystal blue water and it was lovely. About halfway through our tour I noticed our brave captain sipping cervesa from his Styrofoam cup and smoking cigarettes. I chose not to worry as surely he knew that smoking that close to a gas tank/motor wasn't entirely safe and he'd been at this long enough to know to keep his distance. That $20 was some of the best money we spent - and we had an hour's tour of the southernmost tip of the Baja Peninsula. It was great and we headed back to shore to get onto the big ship. Day one in Cabo had been quite the success.
Seeing fish from our boat - they were much more colorful in person :)
I think these folks are nuts - but it was fun to watch...
The Arch
Boat fun - beautiful weather...
Day Two - we headed back to the tour operator who had put us on "Poolito" and he put us on "Claudia" today - captained by Alejandro and his first mate by Luis. At 8:30AM they dropped us at Lover's Beach (and by dropped, I mean we literally jumped off the boat into 3 feet of water and waded to shore) and assured us they'd be back by 11:30AM to pick us up. We were among the first to arrive and it was gorgeous. We donned our snorkeling gear and played in the clear water among the pretty fish. We reapplied sunscreen dutifully and played in the waves and walked over to Divorce Beach. You can't swim there - the water's current is too strong and dangerous. I'm pleased to report that Philip and I returned from Divorce Beach unscathed and we spent the rest of our time on Lover's Beach playing as a family. Around 11:15AM I saw Luis and Alejandro picking up other folks and just double checked that they'd be coming back...we weren't entirely sure...but there were enough tour operators in the area that we knew we could get back no matter what. But Luis and Alejandro returned for us, took us back to the marina and we saw more sea lions and pelicans and seagulls. It was time for a snack - so, naturally, we chose Senor Frogs because it looked so inviting with its cute little frog on the roof and festive music playing. And - it was on our way back to the ship so it was perfect! Enter parental fail #1 - turns out Senor Frogs was having a beer funneling contest among the spring breakers who were there (and anyone willing to funnel a beer, actually). As we were just beginning to eat our nachos and were bumping up against a blood sugar issue with hungry children, we were trapped. So, as the server stood on the 2nd floor balcony and poured beer into the clear tubing for the person sitting RIGHT NEXT TO OUR TABLE to guzzle, we found ourselves explaining the science of funneling and its stupidity to our children. Take that Norman Rockwell. After that - it was definitely time to get back onto the ship.
We awoke the next morning in beautiful Puerto Vallarta - and I woke up the kids singing an original song that they've made me vow never to sing again. And I dutifully proclaimed as we hopped off the boat, "De plane, de plane," which my kids totally didn't get. Ahhh - I must work on that as a parent. We were greeted in the shore excursion line by our 'personal pirate' for the day - Spider. He led us to our pirate ship - supposedly a perfect replica of 1492's famous Santa Maria (the shark mouth urinals and skeleton head toilets notwithstanding). Spider led us to our seats which we shared with Henry's new buddy Nicholas and his family, and the fun began! The pirates of our ship led us in dances that were worthy of a Montreat youth conference - we were dancing back and forth with complete strangers on our quest for a private island that promised great snorkeling, kayaking and banana boating. Then - in a serendipitous turn of fate, Henry was invited to participate in the pirate show. He even had a speaking part! We relinquished the care of our child into that of pirates - namely a most voluptuous (perhaps artificially so) female pirate in a spandex skirt, leather bustier and fish net stockings. I had no idea that pirates had spandex and fish nets...much less leather bustiers. Henry was transformed into "Billy Bones" - son of the captain of our ship and through a series of dramatic twists and turns Henry was proclaimed the next captain of our vessel! It was great and he had a ball.
Pirate Ship - hoping not to walk the plank
Drumming before setting sail
Time for hair and makeup before the big show
Billy Bones' debut - in the care of his pirate-ess...
Billy Bones is the new captain!
Our sweet girl declaring "Land ho!"
Then we got to our 'snorkeling site' - and I use quotation marks because I think they were using the term snorkeling in the loosest possible sense. We got into our little tender boat in our life jackets and they told us we were required to wear them while we snorkeled. Um, what? Basically they stopped the boat and said, "Jump in! Quickly - jump in! We have 20 minutes to snorkel". And they started throwing fish parts into the water to attract the myriad of beautiful fish we were supposedly going to observe. This was all fine and good, but the water was cold and murky. It took several attempts to convince Lydia to jump from the boat. She immediately freaked out upon being in the water due to a BBC movie we'd seen in 4D at the Vancouver Aquarium and refused to stay in the water. I wore my mask and my life vest meant for a person 8' tall for about 47 seconds and saw 3 blurry fish before it was clear that we needed to just get back on the boat. I swam with Lydia to the boat, they put out a little ladder and we climbed aboard to observe people who were observing fish while floating unnaturally with their heads thrown back due to the life vests they were required to wear. Then it was time to head to the beach. Relief. The sand was rocky and almost painful to walk on but the beach was beautiful. I dropped Henry's new tennis shoe in the ocean (since he wouldn't wear his water shoes because they had sand in them) - yep - the new tennis shoes that had gotten our trip off to a grand start. My cover up got wet as I lifted our beach bag overhead so our towels would stay dry as I hopped into the water from the tender boat again. And Philip fell out of the boat into the ocean with his whole self and snorkel gear. Good thing we all had on our life vests!
The 'pirates' started messing with Lydia - playing with her really, but it was clear that she was uncomfortable with the language barrier. She immediately got into her Kuk Sool stance and raised her fists in front of her face to defend herself and proclaimed defiantly, "STOP! I am not afraid to go back home, get my julbongs (nunchuks) and come back here and kick all your dumb butts!" I was proud and mortified at the same time and breathed a sigh of relief because my girl was going to be just fine in this life. She went on a treasure hunt and helped discover chocolate coins while Henry rode the banana boat with his buddy Nicholas. Then it was time to head back to the pirate ship. This meant another ride on our tender boat. Considering our last dismount hadn't been so graceful, I was a little anxious. We put our giant life vests back on (it came down to my mid-thigh - I'm not joking) and had to gauge our timing carefully as the ocean would push the boat onto the sand just before yanking it back toward the sea - you didn't want to find yourself halfway in the boat when it reversed its direction! I got in OK and helped pull the kids on board. Philip was next and we all got on fine but the boat made a sudden movement and nailed Philip's chins as he tried to adjust our gear. Suffice it to say, we made it on the boat and were grateful for easily accessible steps up to the pirate ship. Once we were back on board we enjoyed a nice lunch, more dances and a victory margarita. Two hours later we were back on land and ready for showers - with an official pirate for a son.
Our trip ended with two days at sea before pulling back into Long Beach. The kids were happy to be back in camp with their friends and by mid-morning of the second day Philip and I were both bored. We chalked this up to a vacation success and also looked forward to getting back home and re-establishing routine. Our final afternoon on the boat, Lydia reminded us that she was going to be performing in the camp talent show! Originally, she and a friend were going to do a ballet routine, but Lydia changed her mind and the friend bailed, so she channeled her inner Katy Perry and sang 'Roar'. She was great! Right there in front of a good 40 people or so, she belted out the lyrics with absolutely no fear - she even delivered her performance on her tip toes because she wanted to be as close to the mic as possible. [I'm trying to post the video...but there's a problem...will keep trying] It was clear we're raising two hams - and I'm grateful they are willing/able to be in front of crowds with such confidence. It's pretty amazing to watch.
We pulled back into Long Beach, ate a late breakfast and played cards and tic tac toe until it was our turn to get off the ship. We were fortunate to have just as easy a time getting off the ship as we did getting on and were in a cab heading to LA within 20 minutes. We got to our hotel, inquired about a tour that would show us all the 'high holies' of LA and 30 minutes later found ourselves on a tour bus heading for Venice Beach. We hopped out (having been warned of the alternative options that Venice Beach offered) and Henry was immediately uncomfortable. I found it to remind me of Myrtle Beach with + pot but the beach itself was lovely. We hopped back on the bus after buying hot dogs from a street vendor and headed for Santa Monica. I channeled my inner Three's Company cast member as we drove down streets where the show's intro had been filmed. The Santa Monica pier was very cool - and we gazed down on the beach where Baywatch was filmed...and then kept walking along the pier. That's when our luck changed. I've heard that what happened next is actually good luck, but in the thick of it, I didn't feel lucky at all. A seagull managed to hit Henry and Lydia and me - I bore the brunt of its expulsion of excrement, but the kids were none too pleased to have been pooped upon. Thank heavens we were close to bathrooms and could clean ourselves up as best as possible before heading back to the bus. Sadly, I'd have to wait to get back to the hotel to wash my hair...
Santa Monica Pier
On our way to the pier
Evidence of the seagull attack
We headed from Santa Monica to Beverly Hills and walked a bit on Rodeo Drive - and, of course, we stopped in the Beverly Wilshire for some photos and Henry saw George Paul...he's a very, very tall man! We tried to exit at the hotel's side entrance but weren't allowed to - turns out Joe Biden was in town so security was tight! Then we moved on driving down Sunset Boulevard stopping at Garmin's Chinese Theater, Dolby Theater and the walk of fame. I saw Kermit's star! Lydia saw Tinker Bell's! We saw Bing Crosby's autograph - it was superb. So began the most epic parent fail on our trip... We met back up with our tour bus operator after about 20 minutes of exploration (not nearly enough - I can't wait to go back) and no sooner than Lydia's caboose hit the seat did she proclaim, "Mom - I have to go to the washroom" [washroom is Canadian for bathroom]. I calmly explained we'd take her when we got to the next stop, but after heralding the sight of the Hollywood sign our bus driver informed us that the next stop would be the airport. This would be fine, but it's about 5PM in LA and traffic is jammed and we're nowhere near the airport. I considered asking the driver to stop so I could run her into a hotel or something, but he had launched into the explanation that we had a Brazilian couple on board who needed to make a 6:30PM flight to Japan. It's 5PM. There was no way I could convince those folks to stop for my six year old to go to the bathroom. Then the tears started...she was in pain. I tried to keep her calm - assuring her we'd be there as soon as possible - she didn't buy it.
Dolby Theater - hello Mr. Oscar
They say necessity is the mother of invention and I've got to say that as a mama I've encountered more instances of 'necessity' than I ever dreamed possible, but this was a new one. Finally, I remembered her fleece jacket and the unique absorbency qualities of said fabric. I wadded it up, sat her on it strategically and poof! we had our very own porta-potty. This, friends, I'm confident would never been the scene depicted in a Rockwell painting, but I'm confident we could convince "Vacation" writers to include this in their next installment. The look of relief that spread over my daughter's face was worth every ounce of embarrassment my invention could have caused. And I have to give a shout-out to Old Navy fleece jackets for their multitude of uses and their extreme absorbency - ShamWow has nothing on them. While I'll never know, but will always doubt, if the couple made their flight to Japan, I rest easy that on that tour bus my daughter witnessed problem solving at its finest. With a little wipe of the seat where she was sitting and careful carrying of an unnoticeably wet jacket, we got off the bus and every sign of our little trick was removed. And, thanks be to God, the hotel had a laundry facility for guests (which I had to wrestle from someone trying to use all of the washers at once - but a quick explanation of why I needed a machine and they conceded).
We boarded our 6:45AM flight the following morning with bleary eyes and tired bones and were ever-grateful to firmly plant ourselves on our sofa after the drive back from Seattle. Home is good and we were glad to be back. Our adventures were grand - the highlight reel and the outtakes - and I now eat my words of criticism for Norman Rockwell. For I've decided that his adventures had to be at least as unpredictable as ours, but he chose to embrace the highlights and focus on the positive. I think I'll buy into his reality - for it's made even sweeter knowing what the outtakes are and how they make the highlights even richer. Here's to a vacation we'll never forget.
