Winter Blahs

I definitely have the winter blahs – do you? Lately, these have looked like wanting to sleep ALLTHETIME, not feeling motivated to do much of anything but slogging through anyway. I could wear my pajamas to work and not talk to anybody – especially on the phone – I hate the phone. A piece of me wonders if having a break was helpful or if it has given me a serious case of the ‘whatevers’. I'm also convinced showing up often equates to ringing the victory bell. But I’m particularly tired of counting people’s quarantine times, wondering if every sniffle is quarantine-able and full moon tomfoolery. This being the morning after a full moon included the following before 830am (I am not a morning person):

• ·      I hit snooze 4 times (squarely on me, but I’m convinced influenced by the fool moon)
• ·         My business manager’s computer is dead. It wouldn’t turn on this morning AT ALL
• ·         Internet and phones are inoperable at our preschool – this presents a very real issue when working in a preschool
• ·         A staff member’s car broke down
• ·         Another staff member didn’t show up because they thought their class had been quarantined (it had not)
• ·         My cell phone is not working properly and its my only connection to the outside world at the moment

While these truly are little, first world issues comparatively, they add up quickly and require more energy than the Winter Blahs are wont to share. I know this too shall pass but anticipate the passage feeling like a kidney stone. So if you’re feeling down and blue, know you’re not alone. This season is heavy and dense and tiresome. Perhaps real snow this weekend may make it better? I mean even our predicted snow-pocalypse seemed weary last week. Perhaps a brisk walk will inspire endorphins (that’s just precious – it’s like the tundra out there)? Maybe a healthy kale salad as comfort food (if you choose this option, please don’t tell me)? I don’t know the answer because my heart is telling me to go home, put on my comfy, and take a nap even when my head reminds me I’m starting a new ministry internship today. What I’ve landed on is this – I’m going to be gentle with myself and everyone I meet today. For I know I’m not the only one helping carry the weight of these days and I’m deeply grateful to know we share this together in community. If anything gives you hope today, may it be the deep conviction that we aren’t in this alone and that brighter days are ahead…even if they’re further down the road than we’d like.

Reorientation

I've worn my hair in a ponytail for 10 days straight, and I've been highly irritated with the weather for the previous nine days. I am not sure what day of the week it is or what the actual date is and we're in the season of writing the wrong year for the next several weeks. I love ponytails, it's fun for a bit to forget what day/date it is and I live for the day when leggings and sweatshirts are promoted to business casual. And yet - I've arrived at the place in this 'break' where I feel disoriented - a state certainly made worse by the bizarre weather we've had. The weather apparently felt disoriented too - we went from 70 degrees yesterday to a light dusting of snow this morning - it's all gone now, but it finally feels like an authentic Sun-mon-tues-whatever-day in January. 

Here we are - reorientation season in the year 2021, I mean 2022. I'm almost ready to re-establish routine, find a rhythm and get back to it. And yet - I've just delayed the start of preschool until January 10 for students thanks to Covid. Remember the good ole days when we heard the word 'pandemic' and thought of the past? I miss those good ole days. Along with 'pandemic', I'd like to retire the following words: pivot, unprecedented, surge, masks, social distance; let's also retire the practice of having not only a Plan A & B, but plans C, D, E, F, & G. 

So friends, what even is re-orienting in these days? Are consistent rhythms even possible? I don't have answers to these questions but I am pleased to say a shift from the rhythm that emerged
August-December has fueled me to try to figure them out. May grace abound throughout the quest and may wonder and gratitude be my north star as a new year, with some leftover warts of the previous year, hits its stride.