...comes from some other beginning's end (thanks, Green Day & Semisonic).
This has been a year of honouring endings and being brave about beginnings. This time last year, we had a newly minted high school graduate, then a college freshman, then a daughter who decided to step away from cheer, stick with swim and then try golf. I've become more and more aware of how important ending well can be in processing all that life throws our way. My fall semester in Clinical Pastoral Education in a hospital taught me this lesson in amplified ways. I sat with families who chose to donate their loved ones' organs after brain death was confirmed. I sat with parents of a baby born at 22 weeks as they said their goodbyes to the little one whose heart just wasn't developed enough to support life, but whose life made the hearts they impacted tangibly grow and grieve. I sat with families who gathered to bear witness to the lives of matriarchs and patriarchs whose baptisms were coming to completion. Ending well is a gift. And so, I look upon the reality that I've come to the end of my four years of seminary, that we've come to the end of Henry's freshman year in college, with deep, abiding gratitude and some grief. They are healthy bedfellows, after all, grief and gratitude. There's something about acknowledging endings that deserves whatever accompanying sadness because it somehow magnifies the gratitude that grows alongside. I think this is what makes us truly human.
I'm in Montana helping Henry sort his dorm room contents into two categories: storage unit & home. I've gotten to meet some of his friends in person for the first time and witness the life he's building here. It's a life I hear about but don't live with him and it's a beautiful life he's creating. Somehow, putting these pieces in storage for the summer seems holy - it embodies a promise to return, a celebration of growing into his own person, and the reality that our family home still nourishes his roots (likewise, it signifies how much hotter and humid GA is than MT and I'm a little jealous of that).
The process has helped me better understand how I'm putting my own full-time student identity in storage for a bit - I will miss the conversations and wrestling that happened with and among my professors and peers in classes. I will miss seeing friends I've made in seminary regularly. Also, I am excited to practice what these classes and people have taught me along the way and have the freedom to focus fully on my call to ministry. Slowly but surely, I'm learning to leave my laptop alone after dinner - there's no more homework, no more double-checking syllabi (at least for me). I didn't know I needed this trip to MT to help me transition from four years of break-neck pace, a means sorting of my own storage unit vs. home belongings, a reminder to take time to see what's unfolding in front of me and internalize all that comes with it.
It snowed yesterday - the forecast had been for less than one inch of accumulation. I'd guess we got about 5-6 inches of snow, and it was glorious (at least for me - the locals in front of me getting coffee yesterday were visibly irritated by the snow's return). I found it magical - it made me slow down, it calmed my spirit, it fell with a quiet reverence. I took time to be grateful for the foundation that sustained me through this entire journey - my faith and my family. What a privilege it is for me to help Henry end this semester well. What a humbling honor it is to thank Philip, Lydia and Henry for helping me end this chapter well. What a gift it is to have had good company along the way.
Graduation is 9 days away. There will be a new robe and hood, two diplomas, a funny hat. There will also be the people I love most in the world, laughter, celebration and gratitude. The latter is what sustains us all into whatever new beginning happens next. My prayer is to end this season well so I may walk into the next beginning with humility, grace, imagination, energy and love. For this is a life-giving ending, one that has been 25+ years in the making and I wouldn't change a thing. Thanks be to God!
