Parent Fail

Let's face it - there's so much to juggle as a parent, we're bound to fail. Regularly. I've accepted this as normal and generally keep my fingers crossed that the #fails at least happen somewhat under the radar. Inevitably, though, some slip through and squirm their way into the spotlight - last night, for example.

Our daughter is a natural performer - she loves the stage, she loves the makeup, she loves creating the outfit. When the school announced there would be a talent show, I immediately marked all the dates in my calendar before she even got home because I knew how this would go. Being a stage mom does not fall into my set of gifts - I'm happy to support her and transport her but I'm not the mama who immerses myself so fully in my child's performing that I myself get lost. Dancing also falls outside the realm of my gifts (I'll neither confirm nor deny that Elaine's dance on Seinfeld was modeled after me), so I've let go of pretending I have anything valuable to offer in terms of choreography. I left the entire performance to Lydia - she has the gifts, and we wanted her to have the ownership too.

While I'm neither a stage mom nor a dancer, I excel at behind the scenes - it's my jam. I had drop off and pick up times scheduled, I knew how much time we'd need to get her dressed, I even managed to email her chorus teacher, since musical auditions were the same day as the talent show, to ask if she could audition early in the process. Dutifully, I researched the lyrics and overall message of the song she chose - words and subject matter were appropriate. I made sure dinner was pre-prepped so the family had time to eat before going to save seats for the big show, I remembered to buy flowers and I remembered to get the tickets before I left the house. What I didn't consider, however, was the program. We arrived at the school, were handed a program and queued up before entering the performance space. As is natural, we opened the program and there it was:

Lydia M. - Cheap Thrills

These are words I never wanted to see strung together in all my days - not ever. But there they were - emblazoned for all in attendance to read. Philip and I looked at each other with eyebrows raised and chalked it up to, "Oh well - this one's got the spotlight". We got into our seats, settled into the show and marveled at the bravery of the children on the stage - singing, dancing, playing piano, doing gymnastics. Then it was our girl's turn. She rocked it. I cried the entire time, all the while laughing a little too because my daughter's name was followed by the words "Cheap Thrills". Parenting is hard. There are so many details to remember. Today I'm claiming some grace for letting the song title slip past my attention and I'm focusing on the fact that our daughter is full of grit and grace and danced on that stage and owned it.

Making Room for 2018

There are only hours left in 2017 - I believe these last twelve months have gone faster and aged me more than the 40 years before them combined. Had you asked me even 3 months ago if I'd be at a place to embrace all this year has held, content with where we are headed, I'd have denied it. However, as I sit tonight pondering the last 12 months and all of their firsts and lasts, I'm pleased to say contentment has found me - and she's undergirded by hope and anticipation of what lies ahead. Getting to these final hours has been a painful, exciting, grief-ridden, confused, unknown, surprising, delightful journey, and we've made it! I suppose that what matters most. Part of my 2017 human experience has been learning to let go - of people and places I miss so much it hurts, of puzzle pieces which are no longer life-giving - letting go has run the emotional gamut. What I've learned through the process is letting go has as much to do with making room for new adventures as it does in helping awaken us to what makes a soul sing. Tonight, I'm poised to close this chapter and walk into a new year having done some pruning to make room for new growth and new life and I hope you're in a place to do the same. Happy New Year - may contentment find you too.

Year in review in photos: