If you've ever felt that two back to back experiences were separated by some cosmic divide then you know precisely how our evening played out yesterday. It was the 'big game' and we celebrated in grand football fan style - complete with friends, appetizers and even a cake that looked like a football field. We've been excited to be part of the Super Bowl frenzy as we've followed the Seahawks' road to the game more closely than usual since we're now west coast-ers [Go Hawks! Even though I really like Peyton Manning]. That being said, it was a notch below devastating when we learned Saturday (a mere 24 hours before kickoff) that we would NOT be able to see any of the US Super Bowl ads. This, for me, is the primary incentive to bother tuning into the game - I'm more of a college football fan and get irritated pretty quickly by the professional league and its obscene salaries. I was looking forward to cute puppies and Doritos cowboys - and I was bummed. Alas - we hosted some friends and the fellowship was quite fun; it was great to dust off and don our entertaining hats. The other bonus to watching the Super Bowl on the west coast is that the kids' bedtime was normal. Kickoff was at a most convenient 3:20PM and the game wrapped up by 8PM. We learned that tight space doesn't affect children's abilities to enjoy themselves and create new games while we parents enjoyed each other's company with the kiddos alongside us. I overcame my anxiety about entertaining in our little place and look forward to doing it more. It was a really fun evening.
Once our guests departed and our kids were settled in their beds, our evening took a serendipitous turn toward contrast. Philip pulled up the DVR queue and started the movie The Perks of Being a Wallflower. It's a 2012 film that chronicles the senior year of a group of self-proclaimed 'wallflowers' and their integration of a new freshman into their cohort. The story is an important one - and a hard one. And I saw it through two different sets of eyes as we tuned in last night. First, I saw it as a parent and had to breathe deeply so as not to hyperventilate when I saw the drug and alcohol use and the physical nature of high school relationships that the movie portrays. It was a vivid reminder that this parenting gig is not easy and that in addition to establishing trust with our children, there's a lot of 'plugging in', loving despite unexpected realities and equipping required of us who've been trusted with these souls we nurture. I also saw myself in the film a little bit - high school for me was a fun time but I always knew in the midst of it that high school was not the pinnacle of my life. For that I'm grateful and, in truth, wouldn't go back to that era for anything. I was lucky to have my own cohort of supportive, accepting friends with whom I was safe to soul search and begin the process of my becoming. The group in the movie dealt with some hard, hard stuff - I won't go into detail as I don't want to blow the movie if you choose to watch it - and I'd highly recommend it.
After the movie ended, the contrast between the Super Bowl and Wallflower was stark. And it occurred to me that while a lot of people probably feel sorry for the world's 'wallflowers' and their inability to conform to the 'norm', I found myself feeling sorry for some of the guys who played in the Super Bowl. I know - that sounds utterly bizarre...they have their mega million dollar contracts, life in the fast lane and all. But, for the first time ever, it occurred to me that for some, if not many, of the folks on these professional fields, the identities they embraced in junior high and high school [that were affirmed by rising through the ranks of college and professional athletics] are the identities by which their entire lives have been defined. They've not had the opportunity or encouragement to consider the possibility of other passions - ones that may have been something other than the sport at which they most excel. They've been pigeonholed. The other piece I'd never considered was the fact that these guys may have never even had the chance to claim the freedom that comes with anonymity. That's sad to me. It seems so limiting and offers little opportunity to dig deep and explore within when you're under a constant looking glass.
As disjointed as it was, I'm glad it worked out that we watched these two broadcasts on the same night - and I'm glad that I've never found myself defined by only one ability/early identity/persona - and I'm glad that I've gotten to work on my 'junk' in pieces as I've grown through junior high/high school/college/etc. I'm still working on my own junk now, but because I was able to start that process early on, I now have tools to reason through it and work through it in a self-guided sort of way. I know who I can trust to help me walk through valleys, process my own growing edges and challenge me to continue in my becoming. And I have the luxury of enjoying my cocooning season when I can hole up into my own thoughts without some photographer taking my photo from behind a bush. Though I may not make millions by being a 'wallflower', I claim it as my rich life. And I hope that for at least a person or two in the world I can be part of their trusted cohort and help them as we all grow into ourselves. Here's to the wallflower in all of us - my prayer is that we always seek to surround ourselves with those who help us in our becoming and celebrate the value of true community. And I pray we raise children who seek to do the same.
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