Home

I've come to understand 'home' as a loaded word.  After all - any word that has so many idioms/needlepoints/wall hangings to its credit has to be pretty intense.  Some folks see it as a proverbial 4-letter word that embodies all the passion, emotion and grit that often comes with 'curse' words.  Some expect it to be the Norman Rockwell version laced with a little Hallmark. I've been fortunate to know home as a safe place - an honest, sometimes irritating place where I could be my truest self because I trusted the people who are 'home' to me.  And I must say that I really am convinced that Norman Rockwell and Hallmark have sold us a bill of goods - I've never met anyone with those sorts of expectations who went to bed at the end of the day satisfied that they'd been fulfilled.  All that aside - I again realized today as we pulled out of the driveway packed to the hilt that leaving home is hard. 

It's really hard. 

And I cried - a lot.  And so did mama and my sister.  Hugs weren't long enough or tight enough to adequately say we love and will miss each other.  The image stamped into my memory is not a painting or greeting card - it was the sight of my mom, dad, sister and nephews standing the front yard of my parents' house waving and yelling to us to be safe and that they loved us and frankly, that's better than any card I've ever gotten.  Just thinking about it makes tears prick my eyes again as I wait for my children to fall asleep in the first of 8 hotels we'll claim as temporary homes on our way to forge a new one.

What has given me a new sense of identity, though, as we leave everything that has been our identity behind, is we never completely leave a home for a new one - instead we move from one to another with a richness and depth cultivated in our previous homes.  The collective whole is always more than the sum of its parts - it has to be - the relationships with people in all sorts of places and the indelible marks they make on us inform how we define home from the moment they enter our lives until our paths may diverge and beyond.  So tonight, despite the lump in my throat and the tears pricking the backs of my eyes, I'm grateful.  Despite the anxiety that comes with the unknown and the hopes/fears I have for my children and our little family of four, I'm grateful.  I'm grateful for all of the places that have been home to me and to us and I'm even more grateful for all the lovely people who have been, are and will continue to be home for us.  Tonight, I'm clinging to the promises to stay in touch - as these relationships are what will help catapult us into our new and into relationships with people who will again refine our definition of that little 4-letter word. 

So - thank you.  Thank you to all with whom we've crossed paths that have shared part of our journey, thank you to those who are still in SC and GA that will help care for our families in person when we have to do it by phone.  Thank you to all of you who've emailed, texted and facebooked your well-wishes and prayers - know they and you are deeply appreciated.  Thank you to those whom we've not yet encountered who will enrich this next chapter and for the Providential way that this has all been laid out - I hope we live into this reality with grace and gratitude because we get to meander this process as a motley, honest, sometimes irritating party of four.